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Self Defense and Other Myths of Love

9/29/2019

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You're the beginning of the end of me
The only thing that ever meant a damn to me
The song I sing, the secret that I keep
In the space between my teeth
You're the only thing I need

​Civilian -- Cut and Run
I come from a long line of women with rhythm in their hips, juju at their fingertips, and enigma on their lips. Women who are sometimes afraid but still face the vengeful storm. We do not bite our tongues. In spite of our best efforts, even the most quiet, the most tactful the most gentle among us is known to speak truth freely. Because of these women, I have never doubted my agency even when my power was constrained by my gender, my race, my poverty, my body. Nevertheless, in spite of the fact that these women could walk into a room and turn every head because of the beauty of their spirits; in spite of the fact that their laughter made you feel warmer than the sun; in spite of the fact that their delicate strong hands could heal any wound and handle any labor -- they were frequently weak when it came to love.

It would seem that there should be no downside to hope and resilience. When we, the women of my family, love, it is a primeval, vast, grinding thing. It is a beast we feed with our souls. It is a hope we sustain with our blood. Unfortunately, when we love the wrong someone, someone who is not strong enough to withstand the hurricane that is we, someone who lacks the acuity of vision to see the form within the chaos, someone whose spine is not limber enough to adjust to the infinite shifts of our moods, our creativity; when we love unwisely, we become unwell and are too strong to let go. 

Most of us see the writing on the wall yet still wait until it's way too late to read it. So, we have to work to give up a little sooner, to be a bit less steadfast, to know when to cut and run, to be strong enough to be weak. 

But there's something about love, something magical, that makes us want to dive deeply. When your body resounds like an instrument in your person's hands, when your heart beats to the rhythm of every love song you hear, when you are transformed into moan and sigh and gurgle just from catching a glimpse of your love's smile, well, it's hard to defend against that.

Defense Against the Dart Art

Not gonna lie, Harry Potter looms large in my life. Between church and children and my own passion and zeal for J.K. Rowling's world, I find myself thinking about HP easily several times a week. This song is the product of one of those musings.
Track 1:
I need some defense against the dark art
Of grieving, seething
Defense against the dark art
of wanting you
I need some defense against the dark art
Because my broken heart
Is still true

Track 2:
​You have me 
Enspelled by your love
Like polyjuice potion
You make me someone new
You have me
Confounded by your kisses
Don't need no divination
To tell me that I'm screwed
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    Author

    Cynthia is a 50 something mom to 2 talkative, creative, whirling dervishes. They're not feral. Honest. Just homeschooled. In her free time, Cynthia enjoys being a hot mess whose neuroticism makes excellent song and story fodder. 

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  • Music and Malady
  • General Homeschool Information
    • In the Middle
    • Bad Day Blues
    • Curriculum Reviews >
      • Real Science 4 Us
      • Game Based Math
      • Computer Programming
      • Grammar
  • Homeschool Helps
  • High School Hinterlands
    • Learning to Learn: Note Taking and Study Tips
    • Resources: Planners, Worksheets and More
    • Applying to College
    • Freshman Frolics
    • Sophomore Samba
    • Junior Jitterbuggin'
    • Semi Senior Shimmy
    • Final Fandango
  • Engaging Explorations and Basic Beginnings
    • Random Reading Resources
    • Magical Math
    • Book Report Sheets for Primary Grades
    • Sensational Second: April
    • Sensational Second: May
  • Sabbatical
    • Korean Festival
    • Fairy Festival
    • Farm Festival
    • Science Museum
    • Safari So Goodie
    • Walking in Memphis
    • Old Man River
    • Under the Harvest Moon
    • Past Life
  • American History from the Revolution to Reconstruction
    • Colonial Conflicts
    • Nation Building After the Revolution
    • Washington and the Federalists
    • Nationalism & Expansion: Jefferson, Monroe, Madison
    • The Age of Jackson
    • Cultural Change: Industrialization
    • Cultural Change: Westward Expansion
    • Cultural Change: The Railroad and Immigration
    • Cultural Change: Women's Suffrage
    • Cultural Change: Slavery and Abolition
    • The Civil War
    • The Reconstruction
  • American History from the Reconstruction to the Present
    • Urbanization and Industrialization
    • The Gilded Age
    • Progressive Era Social Reform
    • Progressive Era Politics
    • World War I
  • Biology
    • Biology: Cells
    • Biology: Diffusion and Osmosis Links >
      • Diffusion and Osmosis Pages
    • Biology: Photosynthesis and Respiration
    • Biology: Heredity and Genetics
    • Biology: Transcription, Translation and Proteins (Oh My!)
    • Biology: Evolution and Genetic Change
    • Biology: The Organization of Life
    • Biology: Bacteria, Protists and Fungi
    • Biology: Plants
    • Biology: Animals
  • Anatomy
  • Botany
  • Wyoming Wisdom
    • Wyoming Wanderings
  • When You're Strange: 2e Adventures
    • When You're Strange
    • Uncshool Buffet
    • "The Socialization"
    • Impetus
  • Armadillos to Zorillas
  • Quintessential Journey